Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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