I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
