Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
