we're chasing vodka with high fives
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
