Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
