grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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