I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
