I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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