I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
