I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
