i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
