Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
