Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
