Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
