So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
