I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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