Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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