oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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