She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
