How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
