thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
