Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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