Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
