i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
