too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
