Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I deserve this hangover.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
