So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
