I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize