I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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