im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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