opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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