So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
