My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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