He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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