just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize