Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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