I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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