I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
