my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
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