I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
