fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
