Ambien. No doubt about it.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You dont lie about slip and slides
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
