Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
