i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
