So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Randomize
