it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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