True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize