Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
