That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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