why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize