Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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